Approaching Menopause

Where is the Woman I Married?

I have spoken to mixed groups about the change in a woman’s life and invariably men will come up to me afterward and say that they had no idea that this is what their wife was going through and why aren’t I talking to men because they need all the help they can get.

This is not an easy time for the woman or her partner. There are many changes taking place and what once seemed OK is no longer accepted or tolerated. Many men feel lost at this time, wondering what has happened to the woman they married. The wife or partner who was only too willing to help out and support the family seems to no longer be there.

Many relationships struggle at this time also because usually the children have left home and it is just the parents. Two people who suddenly do not know how to relate to each other. Sometimes the woman becomes aware of an emptiness in the relationship and begins pushing for more from her partner.

At this time, women often feel that they are passed their “use by date” that they are no longer attractive. They may need lots of reassurance that you still love them and still find them attractive.

How can a man understand what is happening to his partner and how can he help?

Educating yourself on the process of menopause, both physical and emotional will help you to understand that she is not going crazy. Just as the beginning of a woman’s period is the signal that she is growing up and leaving childhood behind this is a signal that she is moving into her second adulthood.

Relationships

This may be the time when more effort needs to be put into the relationship. Any old resentments still buried could be resurfacing. This is the time when you can both rediscover each other. Spend some time together talking to each other about your hopes and dreams. Be brave enough to take some risks and share what is really going on for you. Honest communication with your partner at this confusing time is a skill you may need to develop.

Mid-life can also be a time of turmoil for many men and rather than look within they choose to leave a relationship and look for another with a younger woman.  There are many reasons for this. One of which is that often the man feels his life is passing him by, he begins to wonder if this is all there is.

He may have reached the peak of his career or he may feel disappointed because he is not where he hoped to be at this time, either way he could be feeling confused as to his direction in life. Many men struggle not only with what is happening with their partner but also with themselves.  This is a time of change  for both partners, so lots of patience and understanding as well as honest communication is needed.

This is a time when we all need to do some housework on what unresolved issues we carry around that have built up into resentments that create a wedge in our relationship. If your partner is asking more from you at this time and you want the relationship to work then maybe this is the time to get some outside help or to explore your own feelings and beliefs.

The most important way you can help your partner through this time is to be supportive and understanding. If she is having mood swings, not sleeping properly etc talk with her about how you can help and support her. Just like you, she is probably very confused about what is happening to her life, her body and her mind.

Take some time to read the other pages that might help you understand some of what she is going through.

Remember this is a time of transition for both of you and takes a lot of patience and good communication. If you feel you would like some help then 

Contact Pamela