My Story
The signal for me that something was wrong was burnout. At first I didn’t recognise the signs. I had been quite successful in my own business as a Fashion and Image consultant. I had been working at this for fourteen years when all of a sudden (or so it seemed) it became too hard. I had no patience with my clients – I couldn’t make myself get enthused about anything anymore.
Feeling Old – Lack of Confidence
I suddenly felt I was no longer attractive. I couldn’t remember whether I had put on my deodorant and I continually felt like I needed an afternoon nap. I thought I was falling apart and I was only 49 years old.
My Light Bulb Moment
I was watching TV one day during this time of confusion when I saw three well known women being interviewed. I cannot remember who they were but I do remember them describing wanting time out from their busy schedules just to sit in the sun. They talked about their journeys to find a ‘new self‘ and how this had taken about 12 months. One of the women, who owned and ran a successful fashion business had sold this business. After taking 12 months off she had decided to do what she loved most and that was to go back to designing. She explained how many of her friends had not been able to take this time out because they were not in a financial position to do so.
I could identify with these women – that was how I felt, totally overwhelmed and just wanting to sit in the sun. I then decided I would take time out to decide what it was I really wanted to do and so began my ‘journey to myself‘, as I called it.
Previously
I had been a single mum since I was 42 when I was widowed. I had sole responsibility for my three teenage daughters. By the time I was 49 they had all left home. Not only was I coping with all of these physical changes, I was coping with the emotional changes of the ‘empty nest‘ syndrome. I had always been somebody’s something – a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a successful business person. Now I felt like I was sinking into oblivion. I was supposed to feel free – not redundant and past my use-by date. I felt I was no use to anyone let alone myself.
Time Out
I was fortunate in that a friend asked me to house sit while they travelled around Australia. I rented out my own house and sat in the sun for almost 12 months. During this time I read everything I could get my hands on pertaining to menopause, second adulthood, life cycles etc. There was very little information available as most books focused on the physical symptoms of menopause.
HRT
During this time my doctor put me on HRT, explaining that women were not meant to live past this age, so we needed help. That really made me feel good!
I went on HRT for a short time but found trying to get the dosage correct was actually worse than the symptoms. Initially HRT gave me the energy to take up my exercise again. I decided that I was not going to medicate myself for what I was beginning to understand was a natural journey. I do not dismiss the use of HRT for anyone else. That is your choice.
Anxiety and Panic Attacks
While I was house sitting I began waking up at 4am each morning having a panic attack, fearful that I would become a ‘bag lady’. I have since read of other women’s accounts of similar fears. I believe that it is a fear of not being able to look after oneself when going through such deep change. I have worked with many clients who have experienced this sort of anxiety during perimenopause.
By this time two books had become my bible – Passage to Power by Leslie Kenton and New Passages by Gail Sheehy. Kenton talks about the need for progesterone and the Crone’s Retreat (time out).
Sheehy describes the rocky journey through middlescence (perimenopause) into our ‘second adulthood‘. A passage that enables you to uncover the hidden parts of you that were buried along the way of becoming successful, raising a family, being a wife or just living in society.
The Journey
I made the choice then to honour this journey into second adulthood, to allow myself to feel the uncertainty, to mourn the losses
and to heal the unhealed.
It took two years from when I first realised I was burnt out to feeling in control of my life again. During the second year my self care was my priority. I saw a naturopath, a counsellor and a massage therapist as well as meditating regularly. All of these helped me sort through the accumulation of unresolved issues.
By the time I had turned 52 I felt I had a new confidence, a new direction. I wanted to help women navigate and understand this sacred journey into the power of our second adulthood. I wanted to educate women on the benefits of grieving all that we feel we are losing rather than medicate ourselves through this grieving and letting go process. This really is the ‘passage to wisdom and power‘ if we choose to take it.
With some understanding of what is happening to you and if necessary someone to explain this process and someone to listen to you as your sort through your life, it will feel much more exciting than frightening.
If you can identify with any of my experiences, then do not hesitate to contact me. I am happy to explain the coaching process and discuss your situation with you.
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